The Adventures of the Tader Tot's

Monday, December 24, 2007

You will be missed

After putting up a brave battle, Mamaw passed away today. Although my dad had called me yesterday to say it would be within the next 24 hours it was still a sad time. Thanks to all who said prayers and well wishes on M’s blog and her message board. It certainly makes the Holidays all that much more stressful. All in all I think I did pretty good at not letting is ruin the boys time. I really would have preferred being at home and not talking but then again what good would that do. I know everyone wanted to talk about it and say something nice but I just didn’t feel like talking about it. I don’t know that I still want to talk about.

Death and I aren’t friends and I don’t have any plans of changing that anytime soon. I am mad that a woman who did everything in her power to stay healthy and happy was taken from us and there was nothing that anyone could have done to prevent. I am mad from a spiritual level and from a science level. I feel both let us down. I know that science can explain a lot of things but there are some things that are certainly miracles that can only be attributed to a higher power. I guess in the back of my mind I had always hoped for a miracle that I knew wasn’t coming. Someday I hope I will get to a point to where I can understand it all and be at ease knowing that everything has a place and a reason and I’m not always going to know the reason but there was one.

All day I thought about the trip both Mamaw and my aunt made to Columbus to see the boys in the NICU. I remember taking them back to see them for the first time. It was the same day that Summy got moved to his big boy crib and wasn’t in an incubator. I am happy she got to be there for that and I know it affected her as much as it did us. I remember over the summer before her surgery at a family get together someone commented on the boys and how small they were. I can still remember how mad and defensive she got about them. Pointing out to the people that they had no idea how much the boys had been through and how great they are doing. It’s one of the few times I can ever recall her getting angry at someone. I guess for now I can take comfort that somewhere there is reunion taking place and what a great day it must be for my grampa.


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